I'm sure most people have heard the quote "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." by J. Robert Oppenheimer, Director of the Manhattan Project, but a less well know quote and one I think that is more important comes from Kenneth Brainbridge, the Trinity test director, made to Oppenheimer after the successful initiation of the gadget. "Now we are all sons of bitches."
I was an awkward kid who talked to himself, always wore a big over coat (even in summer), stood alone for all of recess, and was generally weird. I was an easy target for bullies, so you'd thank the last thing I would do would be to pick on someone else.
The summer between 6th and 7th grade I went to a summer camp. Normally I'd try to sit alone on the bus, but this time I sat next to a boy. I do not remember why. Probably because the bus was full and he looked the least threatening.
Anyways, I sat next to him and we began talking. We became inseparable from that point until lunch near the end of camp. Him and I had sat at a table of "cool kids" and they actually let us sit down and even started talking with us. With such opportunities being rare for me, I was eager to please.
When they started making fun of my friend, I joined right in. No hesitation. I cracked jokes right along with them. I was so busy trying to get a reaction out of them, I didn't pay attention to the reaction of my friend.
Afterwards I realized the mistake I had made, but it was to late. Camp was over and we headed home. I never saw him again. And do you know what the bitch of it is, I never saw any of them again either.
At a time when I few friends I threw one under the bus, for a few fleeting moments of acceptance.
You may wonder what my story has to do with something as important as the first nuclear weapon test. It is really simple. The weapon needed to be built, and I needed to be accepted. How many times has need been a justification, and how many times has that led to regret. In the end, we are all sons of bitches.
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